Another Episode from the Multiverse: Brad O’Nark and the Great Animal Welfare Crusade

Once again, we dive into that cursed timeline, the one where Councillor Brad O’Nark has absolute power over the Ballybollocks-Carrickmorons Municipal District.

It’s a Wednesday night at The Drunken Leprechaun, and Brad has decided to make a public statement after some stubborn local lefties dared to oppose His Lordship of Fascist Shite.

Word has it these ungrateful tree-huggers suggested that Brad doesn’t actually give a flying fuck about animal welfare.

They’ve implied, the cheeky bastards, that Brad only ever mentions animal suffering when he’s got an excuse to rant about halal meat.

But that’s a disgraceful accusation! Brad, bless his tender soul, cares deeply about animals. He knows, and he’s got the stats to prove it, that halal is dangerous for them.

Just look at the numbers: 100% of animals slaughtered in the halal industry die. 

A shocking statistic if there ever was one.

Sure, animals from the non-halal industry die too.

And sure, at least Muslims don’t butcher pigs.

And yes, there are those far-right degenerates who mutilate pigs with knives just to piss off Muslims, because they can’t stand anyone who isn’t white.

But no one can say Brad isn’t sensitive to animal suffering.

Why, only last week, during his quality time with his flock, Brad noticed one poor sheep in visible distress, bleating, trembling, eyes full of pain.

And Brad, ever the compassionate man, did the decent thing.

He pulled his cock out of its arse.