Ballybutthead’s New Artistic Wonder: The Wanking Walls, soon on the UNESCO’s list of World Heritage Sites?

In what can only be described as a monumental breakthrough for bad taste, the Ballybutthead changing rooms have officially been nominated by the Trump administration for inclusion in UNESCO’s list of World Heritage Sites.

“This is art,” declared Trump during a press conference, wiping off what was possibly mayonnaise. “These kids have talent. I could have them in my communication team. The finesse, the subtlety, the… let’s call it depth. Wokeness didn’t win, folks.”

The Art Historical Context: Between Lascaux and Pornhub

Art historian Siobhán MacMartin described the discovery as

“a striking fusion between prehistoric cave paintings and modern adolescent anguish. Imagine if the artists of Lascaux had access to permanent markers, vodka, and Wi-Fi,” she explained. “It’s as if the walls of human history have been brought together, the eternal need to leave a mark, but now with more genitalia and spelling mistakes.”

Each graffito tells a story: the repeated phallic imagery, the swastika (a timeless favourite among fascist underachievers), and the charming homophobic and racist slurs, all blending into a symphony of what experts now call Chav Expressionism.

The National Outcry

Irish intellectuals and artists are appalled.

“This site is a condensation of everything rotten in post-colonial Irish masculinity,” said conceptual artist Deirdre Ó’Fiaigh. “It’s a shocking concentration of racism, homophobia, and penis worship, all in less than six square metres. Caravaggio would have wept. Not for the art, but for humanity.”

Cultural theorists suggest it could be the result of a generational crisis, young men who mistake hate speech for identity, and penises for personality.

A Psychiatric Interpretation

According to psychiatrist Dr. Seamus Lee, the Ballybutthead phenomenon reflects “a population in profound distress.”

“When you see this level of obsession with male genitalia, it’s not erotic... it’s diagnostic,” he explained. “These lads need urgent rebalancing. If they were taking it up the arse once in a while, they’d stop projecting their frustrations all over the bloody walls. Try being gay for fuck's sake! Stop suppressing your sexual identity.”

He added, “It’s clear that the repression, alcohol, and lack of education have formed a perfect storm. This isn’t graffiti, it’s a cry for help.”

What’s Next for Ballybutthead?

Local councillors are already imagining guided tours.

“We’ll have QR codes on each cock drawing,” said Councillor Paddy O’Dribble, “and a gift shop selling miniatures of the Smirnoff bottle left behind by the founding artists.”

UNESCO’s spokesperson, visibly uncomfortable, confirmed that the nomination is “under review,” though they did admit that the site “perfectly encapsulates humanity’s ongoing struggle between creativity and total idiocy.”