BREAKING: Local Anti-Vaxxer Earns Imaginary Medical Degree After Reading Meme About “Turbo Cancer”

A jubilant Mark O'Eejit proudly announced today that he has “finally graduated from the University of WhatsApp” after sharing an article claiming a South Korean study confirmed COVID boosters cause “turbo cancer.”

“I don’t need your so-called oncologists with their 12 years of training and 50 peer-reviewed studies,” Mark explained while Googling “how long until Pfizer nanobots explode.” “I’ve got Baxter Dmitry, and he’s peer-reviewed by his own Telegram channel.”

According to experts in things that actually exist, “turbo cancer” is not a medical term but a piece of science fiction invented to frighten people who think Bill Gates is hiding under their bed. Cancer specialists worldwide remain baffled by the notion that vaccination could suddenly invent a new Marvel-villain strain of disease within 12 months.

Meanwhile, Mark insists that after watching a two-minute Facebook reel he is now fully qualified to contradict the Mayo Clinic, the WHO, and anyone else with a diploma not printed on Canva.

Important Disclaimers

• Reading this article will not give you the right to practice as a medical doctor.

• Getting your “facts checked” by Facebook memes will not qualify you for a PhD in epidemiology.

• Saying “wake up, sheeple” does not count as peer review.

• If you experience an erection lasting more than four hours after reading Telegram, please consult a real doctor.