Facebook Constitutional Scholars To Be Offered Professorships At World’s Top Universities

Ireland’s finest legal minds have been discovered not in courtrooms or lecture halls, but in the dank comment sections of Facebook groups such as CastlePillocks Says No.

Armed with little more than a Junior Cert maths fail and a deep suspicion of punctuation, these self-appointed experts have revealed to the world that the Irish presidential election is “unconstitutional,” because, in their words, “the Constitution says elected by people, but we didn’t get our vote.”

Stunned by the sheer brilliance of this legal reasoning, Trinity College Dublin and Stanford Law School are now locked in a bidding war to secure these men for tenure-track professorships.

“We’ve spent years studying Bunreacht na hÉireann, case law, and constitutional precedent,” admitted Stanford’s Dean of Law, “but none of our staff had ever thought to just skip all that reading and scream ‘unconstitutional’ into a Samsung Galaxy A12. It’s revolutionary.”

The only snag? None of our future scholars in question actually possess any diplomas whatsoever. Several have struggled to spell their own surnames without assistance, and one applicant recently confused Bunreacht na hÉireann with the name of a barber shop in Dundalk.

To resolve this, Stanford has proposed a bold solution:

“We’ll fund their entire education starting at preschool, since even that they managed to fail. In 25 years’ time, after learning to count to ten and maybe to read a paragraph without crying, we expect them to be ready for a PhD”

Meanwhile, Trinity has offered to waive entry requirements entirely, provided the men promise to stop yelling about chemtrails during graduation ceremonies.

On CastlePillocks Says No, locals were buzzing with excitement at the news.

“They’re geniuses,” declared one full-time specialist in the field of photographing trucks, buses, and being racist online.

“Only last week, Seamus proved beyond doubt that migrants legally applying for refugee status are actually illegal, simply because he thinks they’re illegal. How do you even argue with that level of logic?”

Another member of the group added that Seamus’s breakthrough ranks

“right up there with discovering the moon is hollow and filled with GAA referees sent by Soros.”