Full-Time Shiteposter Asks If Fertility Clinic Has a Copy of Gript Before He’ll Do Sperm Donations

DUBLIN — In a move that has left fertility clinic staff blinking in confusion, a well-known full-time shiteposter from the Facebook group “Drumbollocks Says No” has publicly declared that he will only donate sperm to a laboratory if they also supply a fresh copy of Gript magazine for inspiration.

The man, who calls himself “Seamus McProvoke,” (age and actual job description unknown), claims that modern fertility clinics are dangerously lacking in ideological, moral, and clickbait content.

“Before I can even consider producing potential offspring,” McProvoke told reporters, “I need to peruse a few pages of Gript. The editorials, the hot takes, that is what stirs me.”

His “Inspiration Kit”

Apparently, McProvoke has devised a ritual:

1. He shows up at the clinic clutching Gript, freshly printed.

2. Reads any 2 articles (preferably with outrage).

3. Only then does he agree to the sperm-donation procedure.

When asked why Gript, he said:

“I tried the Irish Independent once, all it did was calm me down and make me pay my TV licence. But Gript? Jaysus, that stuff gets the blood pumping. Every headline is like Viagra. I can feel the endangered white male sweat seeping through the pages, the glorious struggle for domination rising again.

Clinic Response: “Huh?”

Clinic staff, for their part, have been somewhat nonplussed. A spokesperson for “Emerald Life Fertility Clinic” responded: “We appreciate enthusiasm, but our priority is samples meeting medical standards, not what the donor is reading in the waiting room.”

They further noted:

• They do not supply political commentary magazines in the donor area.

• They are legally obligated to maintain neutrality, hygiene, and sperm viability.

• The idea of distributing propaganda or partisan periodicals came as a shock.

When asked if they could stock printed Gript articles for donors, they said they'd need to check whether it's “clinically relevant”