Karen O’Faisisteach Discovers Satan in the Supermarket Aisle

In what can only be described as the Irish scandal of the century (or at least of last Sunday), Karen O’Faisisteach claims she uncovered evidence of a satanic plot while shopping at Dunnes.

Karen, who makes a point of skipping Mass because the priest is from Ghana and has “an accent she finds too exotic for transubstantiation,” was dutifully pushing her trolley through the bacon aisle when she froze in horror.

There, on the packet of pork rashers, was the mark of the beast itself: IE 666 EC.

Not only, Karen argued, was this a sign of Satan hiding in plain sight, but it was probably halal too.

“This is Ireland, not Saudi Arabia!” she ranted in a Facebook group called Carrickbollocks Says No. “First, they took our culture, then our parking spaces, and now even our rashers are Muslim.”

Dozens of local fascist hobbyists immediately abandoned their Sunday pints to join her online crusade, flooding comment sections with blurry screenshots of bacon labels and Bible verses copied from dodgy meme pages. One man even wrote in all caps: THIS IS WHY MY GRANDAD FOUGHT THE WAR! (He later admitted his grandad mostly fought the war against sobriety in a Tipperary pub.)

To get to the bottom of the alleged conspiracy, we interviewed Moktar O’Maith, a worker at a nearby slaughterhouse. He sighed deeply before explaining:

“Pork can’t be halal. It’s literally forbidden. That’s the whole point. Karen should probably spend less time decoding meat labels like Dan Brown and more time learning how food works.”

Animal rights groups also weighed in, pointing out that both halal and non-halal slaughter involve, shockingly, killing animals.

“The real horror isn’t a code on the packet,” one activist said, “it’s the fact we’re still mass-producing bacon like there’s no tomorrow.”

Meanwhile, Karen remains undeterred. Reports confirm she has now begun digging through old supermarket receipts found in her trolley, scanning them for satanic numbers, halal symbols, and possibly the lost secrets of Atlantis.

We can only hope she takes a break soon and spends more time with her friends.