Local Fascist Discovers the Dead Are Online: “The WiFi in the Graveyard Proves It”

Since the COVID crisis, local wannabe politician and part-time shepherd Shane McMurk made what he calls “the discovery of the century”.

Having spent years following David Icke’s wisdom, Shane already suspected that the vaccines contained all sorts of secret ingredients: RFID chips, 5G transmitters, nanobots, and possibly a few drops of Hillary Clinton’s sweat.

Prudent as ever, Shane had all his clothes lined with aluminium foil: “you can never be too careful,” he reminded us, proudly rustling as he walked.

One day, while passing by the local cemetery and desperately needing WiFi to stream a video of himself and his sheep on OnlyFans, Shane realised he’d run out of data. Resourceful as always, he decided to see if he could connect to the church’s WiFi.

To his great surprise, he found a shocking number of locked networks, exactly matching the number of post vaccine graves in the cemetery.“I counted them, 14 of them” he said.

But that wasn’t all. The WiFi networks had strange names: 666dgsg5234, GETRZJ66666f4, and so on.Determined to get to the truth, Shane decided to try connecting anyway.

“I thought I’d try something like in the movies,” he explained.

He entered passwords such as 3daysofdarkness, anunaki, and satan666. Nothing worked.

Then, by mistake, while trying to switch off his WiFi, Shane turned on his Bluetooth instead, and noticed something even more terrifying. There were exactly fourteen Bluetooth signals in the area.

For Shane, the evidence is now undeniable: the vaccine has indeed equipped the population with chips. He doesn’t detect anything on himself, of course, because he heroically resisted the non-mandatory obligation of vaccination... with courage, determination, and pure Irish patriotism.

Whether those signals came from churchgoers or the living residents nearby remains uncertain. But for Shane, there’s no doubt: the dead are online, and the government is watching.