Local Vigilante Furious Over “Digital Identity,” Says Only He’s Allowed to Police People

CARRICHRIST-ON-A-CRACKER – Local hero of the Facebook group Carrichrist-On-a-Cracker Says No, Brad O’Lffitler, has announced his latest crusade: stopping the fascist horror of a digital identity system.

Brad, who spends most of his days chasing suspicious vans, harassing local businesses, and cross-examining anyone whose cousin’s aunt’s grandmother once talked to Paddy FullofShite, explained his logic:

“I’m fine policing everyone else, obviously. It’s my god-given right. But the State watching me? Making sure I pay taxes, respect speed limits, and don’t commit crimes? That’s communism. And fascism. At the same time. Which proves how bad it is.”

Brad insists that while he’s happy to stalk migrants and the “parasite rich class” he believes are secretly conspiring to make “everyone gay, trans, Muslim and black,” he draws the line at the government applying even a shred of the same surveillance to him.

“That’s the red line,” he said, pointing at a Facebook meme of a wolf howling at a flat moon. “It separates the good vigilante from the fascist communist state. Big difference. Obvious to anyone doing their own research.”

The group Carrichrist-On-a-Cracker Says No has already unveiled its plans to resist numeric identity: a campaign of shitposting, endless Facebook Lives from their farm fields and kitchen, and “hiking” in Dublin on October the 4th for what critics are calling “Nazi Pride Day.”

One member added:

“We’re taking the fight straight to Zuckerberg’s servers. Our memes are weapons. Our all-caps rants are bullets. And our poor spelling is a shield against tyranny.”