Nobel Prize in Medicine May Go to Mark O’Tàlantach, Local Genius Who Discovered 5G Microchips in Covid Vaccines While Shitposting on Facebook

Carrickbollocks: In a twist as unlikely as finding vintage Champagne at Lidl, Mark O’Tàlantach, self-proclaimed local genius, has just been nominated for the Nobel Prize in Medicine. His groundbreaking discovery? Covid vaccines contain 5G microchips, a revelation he made while shitposting on the Facebook group “Carrickbollocks Says No.”

A “scientific breakthrough” made in posting

According to the group’s archive of badly spelled comments, Mark O’Tàlantach was having a quiet night, lager in hand, when he stumbled upon a post suggesting that “vaccines could contain… something.” Inspired, he unleashed a flood of speculation: subliminal clocks, invisible QR codes, mind control through 5G towers.

Finally, in what experts are calling “a major step forward in local pseudoscience”, he concluded that vaccines definitely contain microchips — invisible to the naked eye, but fully detectable by intuition.

The post has since gained 17 likes, 12 hearts, and 3 shocked-face emojis. That’s more engagement than actual science has ever had in the group.

Trump joins the race… for “serious research”

Meanwhile, Donald Trump, also known as the “orange dictator,” has thrust himself into the Nobel race after a fiery speech claiming that paracetamol causes autism. His proof? One incomplete study that suggested the topic might be worth further research someday.

Supporters called his remarks “brave.” Critics called them “peak stupidity.”

Nobel dilemma: two titans of nonsense

The Nobel Committee now faces a difficult choice:

• Mark O’Tàlantach: discoverer of 5G microchips in vaccines (proven through Facebook shitposting), hero of Carrickbollocks, and champion of unshakable suspicion.

• Donald Trump: warrior against paracetamol, destroyer of science, man who can start a shiteshow out of a single sentence fragment.

  
  

Some insiders argue that O’Tàlantach has the advantage of consistency, he sticks to his delusion no matter what. Trump, by contrast, changes his story every time someone hands him a cheeseburger

Almost-scientific conclusion

If the Nobel Prize is meant to reward innovation, bravery, or simply whatever makes you raise an eyebrow, Mark O’Tàlantach has every chance. And if not… at least the people of Carrickbollocks will keep laughing.