Oldfartle Resident Discovers Counting on Fingers

Today was a day of wonders in the quiet town of Oldfartle, where a 60-year-old local bigot, Gerry O’Moron, made a discovery that could revolutionize his understanding of numbers.

While waiting to collect his granddaughter at the local crèche Sharp Pencils of Oldfartle, Gerry arrived 45 minutes early and decided to observe the class through the large window of the main hall.

Inside, the teacher and the children were joyfully singing a counting rhyme, the kind designed to help kids associate numbers with their fingers.

According to witnesses (two mothers who were also waiting), Gerry suddenly became alarmed and pulled out his phone:

“Hello, Enoch? We need backup. The teacher’s obsessed with fingers. I think it’s some kind of masturbation and gender indoctrination thing. She keeps showing her fingers again and again!”

Police were called as Grandpa Gerry became increasingly agitated, joined by Enoch, who, as usual, showed up precisely where nobody wanted him.

Garda O’Malley explained to the Shitehawk Sentinel:

“We had to inform the gentleman that the children were learning to count on their fingers, not exploring alternative uses for them. It was a genuine pedagogical activity, not a gender studies seminar.”

Sources confirm that after a long discussion, Gerry experienced what experts call a numerical awakening: he realized that showing fingers while counting actually helps… counting.

The teacher, in an admirable gesture of patience, later sent him a video tutorial, saying:

“It’s never too late to learn. These folks struggle with numbers, you can tell when they talk about immigration. They’re not exactly the sharpest pencils of Oldfartle, but as educators, it’s our duty to help.”