Olympic Committee Considers Adding “Fascist Cognitive Gymnastics” as New Discipline

In an exciting announcement for world politics (and for the local pub philosophers of Facebook), the International Olympic Committee is reportedly considering adding a brand-new category to the 2028 Games: Fascist Cognitive Gymnastics.

The event, inspired by the growing popularity of far-right reasoning worldwide, will reward participants who can perform the most spectacular logical backflips without spraining a neuron.

Since fascism took comfortable seats in several presidential offices around the globe, the fascists of countries not yet infected by the brown plague have found a new calling, becoming experts in this demanding new sport.

The rules are simple: competitors must identify a government policy that exists both in their own “woke hellhole” and in a country they admire (usually one led by an orange shithead). Then, in under 24 hours, they must publicly declare the policy evil at home and heroic abroad, without ever admitting to any contradiction.

Local prodigy Brad O’Micripéin has already made a name for himself in the discipline. Within the official 24-hour time limit, Brad managed to denounce the Irish government for offering €2,500 per asylum seeker willing to voluntarily leave (“a scandalous theft of taxpayer money!”, though Brad himself hasn’t declared income since 2017).

Yet, when the Trump administration announced a similar plan to pay unaccompanied minors $2,500 to self-deport, Brad was seen applauding furiously, praising “the courage of real leadership.”

Judges reportedly gave him 9.8 points for rhetorical acrobatics, 10 for hypocrisy, and a perfect score of 12 in the “completely missing self-awareness” category.

If the sport makes it to the Olympic stage, experts predict that the new discipline will finally give a shot at gold medals to all the non-fascist countries of the world, and, at long last, offer a social utility to fascists people who so far have only contributed to raising national rates of crime, violence, and illiteracy.