Patrick Of The Forests Submits His “Scumbag Elegy” to the Montreal International Poetry Prize

Oldfartle’s very own poet laureate of hate, Patrick Of The Forests, has once again astonished the cultural world, this time by submitting his latest work, “The Scumbag Elegy,” to the Montreal International Poetry Prize, where the winner receives a $20,000 award for a single poem.

Patrick, best known for his literary contributions to the comment sections of local Facebook "Oldfartle Vanguard" page, describes his work as “raw, patriotic, and misunderstood.” His entry, which opens with the immortal line “Your ma said no to giving birth to you,” explores themes dear to his heart: misplaced rage, maternal regret, and the ever-present threat of violence when grammar fails.

Speaking to the Sentinel’s special correspondent outside the Aldi car park, Patrick explained his hopes for the prize:

“It’s about time someone recognised real poetry. None of that woke, woman, or transgender shite. And I swear, if some migrant steals my win, I’m writing to the judges personally.”

Critics describe The Scumbag Elegy as a work of brutal honesty, unfiltered emotion, and spelling errors. Dr John Lenin, sociologist, notes that Patrick’s verse “embodies the fascist soul stripped of metaphors, a tantrum in iambic rage.”

The Montreal Poetry Prize jury has yet to comment, though rumours suggest several members required medical leave after reading Patrick’s submission. Meanwhile, local supporters from “Oldfartle Vanguard” are preparing a GoFundMe to “protect Irish poetry from cancellation.”

Whether Patrick wins or not, his voice (trembling with hatred and three cans of Dutch Gold) will surely echo in the bogs of history.

Enough said — let’s discover this jewel of bigot hatred:

The Scumbag Elegy,

by Patrick Of The Forests, self-proclaimed defender of Western civilization

Your ma said no to giving birth to you

the best part of ya still running down her leg.

With laughter echoing emoji in tears

I’m going to smash your fukn face in,

ya scumbag.