SPECIAL REPORT: Local Wannabe Politician Offered Place In Primary School Biology Class

Every year, without fail, some local creep takes it upon themselves to complain that children are being “force-fed gender theory” in schools. In reality, kids are just learning how to be decent human beings, concepts like tolerance, consent, and how to speak up if, say, their uncle starts touching them inappropriately.

You’d think everyone would agree that’s a good thing. But then, this is Ireland, and there’s always one lad ready to pitch a tent outside the school gates and shout about it.

This year, that lad is Bradley O’Amadon, a wannabe politician and full-time admin spammer on “Ballybugger Says No.”

After planting his tent outside the school gates in protest, Bradley was not empty-handed. He proudly distributed laminated leaflets explaining “what boys and girls look like.”

Unfortunately, as Bradley never quite passed Junior Cert science, and relied heavily on an AI image generator (last used to create a centaur in a bikini for his Facebook cover photo), the diagrams were, according to one parent, “confusing at best, eldritch at worst.”

“It looked like a Ken doll melted into a Barbie with three legs,” another witness said, “and one of the pictures had the lungs and the bladder mixed up.”

In a bid to help, the local school generously offered Bradley a place in their tailored Mature Student Primary Biology Class. The concept is simple: sit among 8-year-olds and finally learn what’s what.

The teacher we spoke to explained:

“I don’t know if Bradley failed school or if school failed Bradley, but this is a unique opportunity. We would like to encourage the government to make this widely available. There are hundreds of Bradleys outside, doing nothing but feeding their ignorance into Facebook groups like Ballybugger Says No. We can help.”

Sadly, progress was short-lived. Bradley missed his very first week of class after being spotted at the local pub, gesticulating wildly about “lesbian woke feminists who won’t date him” and insisting that The Simpsons stopped being funny once women were allowed to write for it.

School officials remain hopeful.

“If he turns up next week, we’ll start him gently with colouring in organs. He’ll love that. Everyone loves colouring in kidneys.”