Ireland is getting its very own spin-off of The Addams Family , and this time it’s all about deepening the character of Lurch. The infamous Berk family , known for showing up where they’re not wanted, licking Trump’s dirty arse, proudly waving their Specsavers discount cards after multiple fights with security, and mostly being fascist gobshites, will star as the zombie household. The casting wasn’t easy. There’s a growing crowd of knuckle-draggers these days, and spotting t

Our mindfulness expert Che Guevarab , who recently discovered through the sacred art of gossip that many local parents can’t sleep these days, what with the price of bread, the migrants, and the haunting sound of their own hypocrisy, recommends a bit of ASMR therapy . Lucky for you, the local fascist gazette GRIFT  has produced an ASMR session designed especially for the chronically outraged . In this relaxing audio experience, a soft voice whispers the latest conspiracies di

Ireland’s Department of Integration has unveiled a “culturally sensitive solution” to the so-called migration crisis: turning the country’s many half empty Catholic seminaries into new IPAS centres. “The buildings are already designed for celibacy, secrecy, and long corridors where screams go unheard,” explained a senior civil servant, delighted by the “cost efficiency of repurposing existing infrastructure.” Government sources say the move aims to “help asylum seekers integr

At the Carrickmorons IPAS centre, residents have decided that the best way to be accepted is to truly  become locals. “When we first arrived,” explains Aziz, “we tried to be polite. You know, like normal human beings. One day I smiled and waved at a baby in a pram, next day, there was a full article in Gropt and a dozen posts on ‘Carrickmorons Says No’ claiming I tried to kidnap him.” Another resident adds: “I said good morning to an old lady once. The following day they were

After the European Space Agency’s failed attempt to divert the next Misery Festival  away from Earth, scientists have confirmed the worst: fragments of the event will crash-land in Castlebar, Co. Mayo, on November 1st. Dubbed the “ Samhain Sessions ” ( SS ) by organisers, the incoming debris promises to release record levels of bullshit, racism, fascism, conspiracy, rosary beads, and self-pity into the atmosphere. A toxic cocktail of cults, conspiracies, and communion wafers

Residents of Ballybigots were treated to an unexpected cultural experiment last week when local conspiracy influencer Brad O’Eejit  attended a Drag Queen Story Hour  “just to see what all the fuss was about.” According to eyewitnesses, Brad walked in wearing a face like he was about to catch a virus, and walked out an hour later with a sudden urge to buy sequins . By the end of the day, he had raided the women’s clothing section of Dunnes, emptied the make-up aisle, and subsc

It finally happened.Séamus O’Bollocks, self-declared patriot, defender of “free thinkin’” and known consumer of conspiracy slurry, has officially merged with the machines he once feared. Just last winter, O’Bollocks warned his twelve Facebook followers that “Chat GPT is the Annunaki plan to erase clever white people and replace them with soy-drinking vegan robots.” Now, the same Séamus can’t make a Facebook post without asking Gemini how to spell “racist but not racist actual

It was 4 in the morning when a quiet rural community near Ballybiggots was awoken by a strange phenomenon. A man, later identified as Connor McWanker , was spotted stalking a herd of sheep, filming the scene while growling in a rural culchie dialect. The local postman, who first found the clearly disoriented man, explained: “From what I gathered, he was shouting about the state buying land for rewilding. He called it an attack on our culture, a conspiracy to make Ireland look

It’s Halloween season, and as the veil between worlds grows thin, the fascists wanking dead are awakening. In the digital wasteland where people gather to throw tomatoes (and occasionally faeces) at each other, otherwise known as “debate”, things took a dark, sticky turn this week. Local wanking dead Darren Shattiwoe , already known for confusing "having an opinion" with "snorting his own discharge", decided to treat the crowd to a performance piece titled “Man Covered in Hi

If you say Winter  to any Irish person around the world, a few sacred words immediately come to mind: the endless rain, the blessedly long nights, the hum of a damp house where the turf fire glows like hope itself, and yes, the unmistakable, nostalgic scent of burned plastic wafting across the countryside. But these days, something feels off. The old smells are fading. The skies are still grey, the puddles still deep, but the crisp tang of molten detergent bottles and flaming

Brad O’Balbh, part-time patriot and full-time Facebook philosopher, was once again hard at work this morning spreading the usual Fap Right vomit online. Between two conspiracy memes and a photo of a pint captioned “Real Irish Culture” , he typed his favourite line: “If you like migrants so much, how many are you ready to take into your home?” But something unexpected happened.Someone replied: “If you like the Irish so much, how many Irish families on housing waiting lists, li

A new “movement” has appeared on social media, if you can call it that. They are called The Illiterati . According to experts, the Illiterati are “a loosely connected collective of humans who share more traits with sea slugs than with other human beings.” They drift through comment sections and encrypted chat groups, absorbing whatever nonsense floats by and regurgitating it as “forbidden truth.” Despite the name, they are not a secret society in the traditional sense. Nothin

🎬 Friday Movie Night at The Shitehawk Sentinel! A local fash recently made a shocking discovery: he can’t work or enjoy a pint without part of his money being siphoned by giant investors. Well done, mate, you just discovered Capitalism ! Next step might be Marx , beware! To celebrate this intellectual milestone, we’re screening a brand new episode of our educational series: “A Marx a Day Helps You Work, Rest and Play.” Enjoy:

Oldfartle’s very own poet laureate of hate, Patrick Of The Forests, has once again astonished the cultural world, this time by submitting his latest work, “The Scumbag Elegy,”  to the Montreal International Poetry Prize, where the winner receives a $20,000 award for a single poem. Patrick, best known for his literary contributions to the comment sections of local Facebook "Oldfartle Vanguard" page, describes his work as “raw, patriotic, and misunderstood.”  His entry, which o

Today was a day of wonders in the quiet town of Oldfartle , where a 60-year-old local bigot, Gerry O’Moron , made a discovery that could revolutionize his understanding of numbers. While waiting to collect his granddaughter at the local crèche Sharp Pencils of Oldfartle , Gerry arrived 45 minutes early and decided to observe the class through the large window of the main hall. Inside, the teacher and the children were joyfully singing a counting rhyme, the kind designed to he

A Halloween special for friends who dare to face their true political selves! Circle the emoji that best matches your answer, and discover who you really are  👻 1 – A new barber just opened in your village. What do you think? 💩 It’s obviously a front for the Pakistani mafia’s money laundering scheme. 🐻 Cool! It’s great to see the village growing. 🌿 I hope they use cruelty-free products! ❤️ Hopefully some future comrades! 2 – You spot a delivery truck next to a constructio

This Halloween, the streets of Oldfartle were alive with the sound of moans, and half-baked political opinions. The local far-right troupe Oldfartle Says No  held its annual Zombie Parade Against Common Sense , where residents dressed up as zombie bigots with Wi-Fi and groaned dramatically in front of a local pub. After the performance, I approached one of the parade’s stars: Mike Ó Bláidí , local wannabe politician, full-time fascist, and part-time biology enthusiast. Rosa:

In an unprecedented display of fragility and misplaced confidence, Portlousy Says No , Dumtalk Vanguard  and Boldarsele Says No  have joined forces to remind the nation that they are absolutely not racists , and if you say otherwise, they’ll… well, they’ll think about calling a solicitor. They haven’t yet, of course. But they might . So you better stop laughing. Brad O’Eejit, a local patriot from Oldfartle, declared to our microphone with tears of pure nationalism in his eyes

Pharmacies across Ireland are on high alert after Fiona McFéintruailliú, vice-president of Fap Right and Proud , courageously confronted...

Rosa Liechtenstein, with sociologist John Lenin Across Irish Facebook, a strange phenomenon is taking place. Once-normal users who used...